My Dirty Bowl

Everyone thinks there is something wrong with me. Maybe there is. I just can’t stand to look down at my dirty bowl anymore. Does that make me crazy?


Let’s start at the beginning, or what I can remember of the beginning. My first years were a blur. My parents were not there. But I had a lot of family, a lot of siblings. I was told that they were all my blood, there was so many. I only remember two of them, Sister and Rick.


Sister was everything to me. I loved her. She was the reason I woke in the morning. Rick was someone I never felt close to. He didn’t look like the rest of us. His eyes were different, his hair was different, I hated him on sight.


Someone in my position might think of adoption as a godsend. But it all happened so quick. My new parents only wanted two of us. I might have had a say in who else got picked but I was so tired, exhausted, my mouth didn’t want to work. I should have fought for Sister but I didn’t. I was really sleepy and didn’t think that one decision would change my life.


Apparently when you have no parents the state decides what will happen to you and your family. If you have a big family you will be broken up. No questions asked, that’s just the way it is. Me and Sister were torn apart. I was taken to a new family with Rick. I hate Rick.


The first few days were torture. I tried to acclimate to my new environment but my nightmares were really hindering me. Rick was adjusting to our new house, our new family. But I couldn’t! I had terrible nightmares, Sister was calling out for me. I tried to find her, she was in the house I just couldn’t get to her.


When I needed warmth, a friendly face, I turned to Rick. He was always there for me. Until one day Rick got really sick. He was so sick that I couldn’t stand to be around him. Our Parents took him away. He was gone so long that I assumed he had died. I was finally free. I tried to find Sister, if I could find her my new parents would take her in too!


I didn’t find her. I didn’t know her new name. Calling out did not help.


Rick came back. He smelled like death. I couldn’t stand to be near that smell. I hate him even more. I can’t hide it anymore. I couldn’t sleep in the bed, the cold hard floor was better fitting to my mood. Hell, I’ll sleep there every night that Sister is not here.


I’m looking down at my food. Why is my bowl dirty? I think that my new parents are feeding me from Sister’s bowl. My dirty bowl, I’m losing it.


Copyright 2014 – My Dirty Bowl by Kerry Milauskas